—–

Sitting here in my office, since it’s slow, I’m quite bored. I sit here dreaming what it would be like if I had picked different choices, went down a different road, went left instead or right, did this instead of that, etc. You know, the thoughts of any human being when they’ve realized that maybe just maybe that their life isn’t where they wanted to be at that moment.

I’ve been traveling for quite a while now and have seen many places. Became a military dependent at the age of 10 and just started flying. I remember those days leading up to my final days as a local citizen before moving on to becoming a citizen of the world:

“Look Mom! I have so many quarters now. How much would this be?”

“It’s around $6.00, son”

“Wow! That’s so much more in pesos isn’t it, Mom?”

“It’s a lot, son. You’ll be able to use it soon enough.”

“Yay!”

I was a happy child. Not a care in the world other than the fact that there’s been a new and exciting world opened up to him. I would love to be that carefree again. Something uplifting and rejuvenating about it, I guess. I’ve done a lot of things in the past that help shape me to who I am now Though, I always wanted to know if anything I could’ve have done or could’ve have happened to me would have made the outcome of my life MUCH different than what it is currently. I mean drastic changes and not just subtle differences.

For example, what if I did get injured when the school bus crashed? I wouldn’t be able to do the things that I’m free to do now. That’s for sure. What if I punched that kid harder than I would’ve broken his face instead of just slightly maiming him? It wouldn’t have just been a trip to the counselor for us. What if I chose not to come back to Hawaii? What if I didn’t choose to leave Hawaii in the first place?

Such thoughts flow into my mind in such frequency that I can’t help but think of them and try to sort it all out. I sit and relax with friends and family, but these thoughts still rampage through my head. I speak with confidence and experience, but in the back of my head, all I can think of is, “What if?”. Though I am glad I’m still able to sort it all out eventually and lead a productively lazy day. I’m currently sitting in my office. It’s a slow day and I’m bored. I think about the roads less traveled and if I should see if I can backtrack and go around again. But I won’t. Since the road I did travel, got me to where I am now and I’m comfy here.

I’ll post again soon. I just wanted to see what I can actually let out now.

—–

Thanks for reading

~Zen